The Lists
by Three Faint Calls
Summary: Everyone made lists. There were grocery lists, hit lists, and lists of words you needed to memorize for a vocabulary test. But the crew of the Enterprise liked to make lists of things they liked, and disliked. All characters!
1. Spock's Lists

A/N: This is just a random story that I thought of while at the library. Since I had the time, I thought I'd type it up and share it with you all. It takes place right after they board the Enterprise, in case you were wondering. A note on my full-length, Under Control: I typed up a 1200 word chapter last night, and then my computer crashed. I am going to try very hard to retrieve it, but depending on my computer's will to cooperate, that update may not come for a few days. Anyhow…enjoy!

Spock's Lists

Everyone made lists. There were grocery lists, hit lists, lists of words you needed to memorize for a vocabulary test…all different sorts of lists. But Spock's liked to make lists of things he liked, and things he disliked. He found it quite fun, although he knew fun was overrated.

Spock's Likes:

Cadet Uhura. He didn't plan on telling her how he felt any time soon, but he wrote her name down anyways. As he thought about her dark eyes and beautiful smile, he found himself subconsciously drawing little hearts around her name. He tore the piece of paper up, blushing green, and threw it away, hoping Uhura never got the urge to look through the trash can in his room. Wait, why would she be in his room in the first place? He smiled at the thought, and then mentally slapped himself. STOP THINKING ABOUT HER, he told the other side of his brain.

Sweaters. His favorite was a thick, scoop necked one knitted out of a dark, somewhat itchy yarn. He had to wear another shirt under it, but that didn't matter. It was one of the only things he had brought with him from Vulcan, and he treasured it. But he didn't wear it around the crew of the Enterprise; he didn't want them to feel lame in their uniforms while he rocked the scoop-neck.

Being smarter and better at everything than anyone on the Enterprise. It wasn't bragging. It was just the truth. The only thing he couldn't do better was look as great in a dress as Uhura. Not that he had ever tried on a dress, of course. He just figured that his pale legs wouldn't be comfortable sticking out of the hem of a relatively short dress.

Making Jim T. Kirk look like a dumb ass. This one doesn't need to be explained, does it?

His hair cut. When he had an extra ten minutes, Spock liked to wet a comb and style his hair into a fauxhawk. And for the record, it looked awesome.

Spock's Dislikes:

Jim T. Kirk. Once again, this requires no explanation. That cocky, leather-jacket wearing bastard wasn't worth his time. Spock proceeded to spend the next five minutes thinking of insults to use next time they met up.

Sunlight. When it bounced off his skin it practically blinded everyone in close proximity.

Jim T. Kirk.

Not having more dislikes than likes. Well, he guessed liking five things over disliking four wasn't too bad. He was sure he could think of another thing he hated if he tried really hard…oh, wait a minute. That's not too hard.

Jim T. Kirk.


	2. Bones' Lists

A/N: Because more than one person requested it, I decided to make this into a multi-chaptered story where everyone gets their own lists! Enjoy, my darlings!

Bones' Lists:

Yes, Bones did write sometimes. Not sappy poetry, or stupid novels, or anything like that. He wrote lists about things he liked, and things he absolutely hated.

Bones' Likes:

Vaccines. There was nothing more satisfying than injecting a nice big dose of well being into the victim…er, _patient_. Sometimes the vaccine was completely unnecessary, but it was always best to make sure everyone's immune systems were strong.

The word "damn." If that word hadn't been expected, what else would Bones yell at his fellow medical officers when they messed something up? "God bless you, I can't believe you gave him the wrong vaccine" just did not sound as threatening as "God damn it, I can't believe you gave him the wrong vaccine!"

His brilliant catch phrase. Normally, Bones did not excel when it came to explaining things in a clear manner. So when someone said they had no idea what he was talking about, he could always snap, "I'm a doctor, not a how-to booklet!"

Making Spock look like a dumb ass. OK, so this was technically sort of impossible. But Bones had the feeling if he ever did succeed in this endeavor, it would be highly gratifying.

Babies. Sure, they were loud, messy, and high-maintenance. But they were also so damn _CUTE!_

Bones' Dislikes:

Babies. Why would anyone think those squealing little brats were cute?

His ex-wife. What a (expletives here)!!!

Flying. This one didn't need to be explained.

Space. Bones hated looking out of his cabin window on the Enterprise and seeing nothing but the endless masses of stars. So he taped a poster of Mississippi over the glass.

Being told he was cranky. He hated it, but always took it well. Take the other day, for instance…

Jim: "Hey Bones, why the bad mood?"

Bones: "Shut your trap and leave me alone!"


	3. Kirk's List

A/N: Wow! I'm surprised at how much interest you all have taken in this story! Quite frankly, I wasn't sure if anyone would read it! I had a bit of trouble writing the list for Bones, because I don't know as much about him, so I didn't have as much material to work with. However, the newest Star Trek has a central focus on Spock and Kirk, so I decided to do Kirk's list next! Hope you like it! It takes place AFTER Kirk becomes captain (?) of the Enterprise, just so you know.

Kirk's Lists

Even though he was usually too busy making sure the Enterprise was running smoothly, Kirk liked to write occasionally. He had figured out that he wasn't good at poetry a long time ago, when he had tried to seduce a woman by writing something Shakespearean. It turned out sounding pretty lame, so he never read it to her. Besides, when you had a face like he did, you didn't need poetry to seduce a woman! So he had turned to lists instead, because they required no eloquence or use of impressive words. Every so often, he would make a list of things he liked, and things he didn't like, just to amuse himself. And this is how his current list went.

Kirk's Likes:

Women. Why even bother explaining this one?

Making Pon Farr jokes. He knew it offended Spock, but that just made it funnier. Really, though, it was a bit hilarious to think of a being that HAD to have sex or they would go insane. Oh, wait…that sounded like Kirk himself.

Ordering people around. Since he was captain, he could make people do whatever he wanted. For instance, he had gotten one of the Cadet's to tape a note on the back of Spock's shirt that read, "Uhura and I are doing it." Kirk and the rest of the crewmembers on the bridge (excluding Uhura, who had ruined the fun by telling Spock what had happened) had stifled their laughs to the best of their abilities, but Kirk couldn't keep a straight face whenever Spock asked him a question.

Karaoke. Sadly, his proposal to make Tuesday nights Karaoke nights hadn't gone over very well.

Pick-up lines. Kirk had quite a few decent ones that he had come up with, such as: "Would you like some raisins? Or how about a date?"

"Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind alllll night!"

"I'm the captain of a mega-cool starship. Would you like to have sex?"

And, "Looking good, foxy mama!"

Yes. He was SMOOTH. No wonder the lady-folk loved him.

Kirk's Dislikes:

Spock outsmarting him. Damn logical Vulcan brains!

People assuming he was gay just because he and Bones sometimes had hug-a-thons. If you don't know what that means, it's where you hug each other for as long as possible before it starts to get uncomfortable. But just because he liked to hug Bones didn't mean he loved Bones, right?

The fact that he had a teeny, tiny man-crush on Bones. Kirk looked down at what he had written and blushed. Of course he didn't like Bones! How ridiculous would that be to have a crush on your attractive, smart, accomplished, _single_ best guy friend? Who had ever heard of such a thing?

That was enough dislikes. More likes!

Women!

Bones! Wait, what?

Forget that last one.


	4. Uhura's List

A/N: OK, you guys rule. Seriously, I love all of you. I'm so excited that you like this story! I had already written Uhura's, so I am going to post hers, and then (by request) Chekov's! This list is at the same timeline as Kirk's, so Uhura and Spock have already gotten together and she's a Lieutenant and everything. Enjoy!

Uhura's List

Normally, Nyota Uhura did not like to write. But she had seen Bones, Kirk, AND Spock writing in the last couple months, so she figured that she might take it up as a hobby. Unfortunately, her creative work (Ode to Spock's Ears, and Kirk is an Annoying Bastard) didn't turn out quite as well she would have liked, so she resorted to lists. And here is the list of her likes and dislikes.

Likes:

Spock. She wished she knew how to pronounce his full name, because then she could introduce herself Mrs. Nyota Uhura

IauSpockiuhsidhisdfewryihifhigsdhsdhshidhkshkhaidh.

But then again, it would probably take an hour to say anyways.

Sharing a drink with Scotty. Except when he got really drunk and started singing Christmas carols. He also tried to kiss her once, but she reminded him that her boyfriend was half Vulcan. In other words, he could kick your ass, Scotty.

Karaoke. OK, she didn't want to admit this, because Kirk liked it as well. But seriously, she could make that ancient pop song, 'I Kissed a Girl' sound like it was actually tuneful.

Insulting Kirk. Well, it was really easy to make fun of him. Whenever he was with a girl, the classic * fake cough * "Manwhore!" * cough * routine worked well.

Planning Kirk and Bones' wedding. Sure, Kirk _pretended_ to like girls, but Nyota knew it was just to cover up the fact that he was in love with Bones.

Dislikes:

Spock acting like everything was boring. Maybe if Nyota got him drunk he might have some fun. Also, it would be kind of hilarious to see Spock drunk.

That was about all the dislikes she could think of. Maybe she would try and re-write Ode to Spock's Ears….

Ode to Spock's Ears

He is beautiful

_And his ears are, too_

_Pale and pointy_

_I once had the flu_

_Anyways, I like to whisper_

_Into his sublime ear_

_I love you, Spock_

_Let's get out of here_

_(And go have sex!)_

OK, new item to add to the 'dislikes' list:

Bad poetry.

Kirk is an Annoying Bastard

The first time I met

_James Tiberius Kirk_

_He felt me up_

_Because he is a jerk_

_I don't know why women love him_

_Because he is a dickhead_

_Sometimes I think I should strangle him_

_When he's asleep in bed._


	5. Chekov's Lists

A/N: Several people specifically asked for Chekov's to be posted next, so here it is! This one was a bit harder to write, because I don't know very much about it…but then again, the previous chapters haven't really stuck to the character's personalities that much either! Thank you all for being such a wonderful group of readers! Enjoy!

Chekov's Lists

Pavel Chekov usually didn't write. In his spare time, he preferred reading or sketching. But when no books intrigued him, and he had no ideas for a drawing, he made lists. And here is his list of likes and dislikes.

Likes:

Saying, "I love you" to random girls. Because they all found his foreign accent so sexy.

Making Kirk/Bones slash drawings. Sometimes his imagination got a bit out of control, and Bones ended up in a dress with a jaunty female Nurse cap. Also, Kirk once was a Centaur. Hopefully neither of them ever found his sketchbook!

Fuzzy bunny slippers. He still loved them, even after being made fun of for wearing them on the Bridge.

Looking sexy for the ladies. This shouldn't have to be explained, but let's put it this way: when Pavel Chekov wore a suit, the ladies couldn't keep their hands off of him.

His curls. He liked to play with his hair, because it was so flirty, but he didn't know why girls (and Bones!) always laughed at him whenever he did it.

Dislikes:

The letter V. DAMN YOU, LETTER V! I WILL KILL YOU SOMEDAY!!!

Being mistaken for a twelve year-old. The next time a lady he was talking to asked if he was a teenager yet, he would smack that bitch in the face!

Kirk and Bones refusing to make their relationship public. Pavel knew he was not the only one that wanted to slap them across the face and yell, "Admit it already! You love each other!"

Bones being a meanie. All Pavel did was ask if he would like white or off-white invitations for his wedding to Kirk, and Bones had a temper tantrum. Also known as, flew off the handle and started yelling a lot of obscenities at Pavel.

Spock being a meanie. OK, yes, once Pavel did accidentally call him Legolas, but it was only because their ears were so similar! Even when Spock gave him a death look, Pavel couldn't help but smile as he thought about what Spock's life would be like if he were a Lord of the Rings character…

"I am Spock, son of Sarek, and Prince of the Vulcan realm!"

Oh, dear.

What an awful thought.


	6. Sulu's Lists

A/N: Hey everyone, sorry I didn't post this yesterday. I was going to, but I got sidetracked looking at photographs of Karl Urban, so…anyways, here is Sulu's list! Hope I didn't butcher his character too much!

Sulu's List

Hikaru Sulu, unlike most people he knew, actually enjoyed writing. Except he was too shy to share most of what he wrote, so he kept a notebook for his poetry and a notebook for his lists. Here is an excerpt from the latter.

Sulu's Likes:

Fencing. When you have a sword at your hip, nobody messes with you. OK, well, maybe some people. STUPID PEOPLE, that is!

Pop music. This really should go on the guilty pleasures list, but Hikaru really did love Britney Spears! If only he could introduce himself by saying, "It's Sulu, bitch."

Making playlists for Kirk and Bones. There were playlists for when Bones proposed (or vice versa, but Hikaru always imagined that Bones would be more the type to get down on one knee and all that jazz), playlists for their wedding, and playlists for romantic evenings alone together.

Botany. There were few things that interested Hikaru more than the study of plants. He understood them, and was patient with them. He didn't mind if they took their time blossoming into something gorgeous. However, Kirk did not have as much patience with plant life. Hikaru had noticed this when Kirk once spent five minutes yelling, "GROW, FLOWER, GROW!" at a houseplant that Hikaru had given to him.

Gymnastics. This would explain why Stick It was his favorite movie.

Sulu's Dislikes:

Spock. Well, not Spock entirely, just how he was always right about everything.

Bones finding his playlists. OK, that one had been embarrassing, since the cover of one of the CDs was a picture of Kirk and Bones kissing. Photoshop can make anything happen!

Uhura catching him dancing to 'Womanizer.' Err…let's not go into detail here.

Parachutes. Because sometimes they could be pretty damn terrifying!

Evil Romulans trying to take over the entire galaxy. How annoying, right?


	7. Scotty's Lists

A/N: Wow! Second to last chapter already! This story has gone by quickly! I would like to say a quick thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, favorite, or alerted The Lists. It means so much to me, and I will try to get around to reading YOUR stories as well! If you read my Spock/Uhura story, Under Control, I am sorry to inform you that it has been canceled. I really like the Spock/Uhura pairing, but I just have a hard time writing about Uhura. Spock isn't too easy to write about either, but anyways. I am going to finish this up and then start on Bones/OC story, which I hope you all will like. Anyhow, enjoy Scotty's lists!

Scotty's Lists

Montgomery Scott did not usually have time to write, because he always had to fix SOMETHING on the Enterprise. Or he was having some whiskey. Or he was stalking Uhura. Just kidding! Not really, but anyways. He got ten minutes to himself every few weeks, and one day, he decided to make a list.

Scotty's Likes:

Sharing a drink with Uhura. Scotty suspected that she was pretty keen on him, and that's why she accepted his invitation for a glass of whiskey in his cabin. Once she even tried to kiss him! He was convinced the three glasses of alcohol he had given her had nothing to do with it.

Whiskey and Scotch. Not necessarily in that order. Or mixed together for that matter.

Being the best damn engineer in the entire galaxy. Spock wasn't even as good as he was! Ha! He was better than Spock at something!

Riverdance. OK, so this was an Irish thing, but so what? Michael Flatly could _DANCE_!

Helping Sulu take some candid photos of Kirk and Bones for the scrapbook they were putting together. It was going to be a wedding present…if Bones ever proposed. They had some really great shots in there (especially the one with a Kirk and Bones hug-a-thon!) so they had better get married. If they didn't, they could keep it to squee over with Chekov and Uhura.

Scotty's Dislikes:

Bagpipes. So what if they were from Scotland? They were the most awful sounding instrument he had ever heard! It sounded like a 48956498 year-old man taking his last breath and then being stomped on by a 3000 pound elephant! The high pitched noise was the noise the man would make when stepped on, of course.

Catching Spock and Uhura making out. He once almost shouted out, "Get a room, you two!" but then realized that he was in Uhura's room already, underneath the bed. Let's not talk about this anymore, all right?

Vulcan eyebrows. Well, they were scary! How Spock managed to raise his eyebrows up any higher was a mystery to Scotty, as they already disappeared into his weird hairline.

Spock/Uhura shippers. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT, GUYS! I GUESS YOU DON'T REALLY CARE THAT I AM ALSO IN LOVE WITH HER!

How small the space under Uhura's bed was. It was quite cramped down there…


	8. Keenser's Lists

A/N: Wow, I haven't updated this in forever! This is the last list I am going to do, so I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you to everyone who read this story!

Keenser's Lists:

He had a name, but nobody knew it. So, they mostly just called him "hey you!" or "Yoda!" But if they couldn't be bothered with learning his name, the crew of the Enterprise could at least be bothered with knowing what he liked, and what he didn't.

Likes:

Playing on the jungle gym. This was technically part of the machinery Scotty so dutifully looked over on the ship, but that didn't matter. It was fun to climb on!

Insulting Yoda. He was so overrated. If people thought there was only room in the universe for one short green creature that happened to kick ass, they were sorely mistaken.

Shipping for Spock and Uhura. Because Scotty hated it.

Taking photographs of Scotty under Uhura's bed and posting them all over the Enterprise. Of course, Scotty had gone ballistic when he saw this, but it was so worth it.

Fuzzy sweaters. It got cold on Delta Vega!

Dislikes:

Being told not to climb on the jungle gym. See "likes" list for more information.

Being called Yoda. DAMN IT, YOU IDIOTS! I AM MUCH COOLER THAN YODA!

Crazy snow monsters attacking him. Delta Vega was a hotspot for those types of things.

Bagpipe music. If there was one thing that he and Scotty could agree on, it was that BAGPIPES MUST DIE!

Anything with mayonnaise. Because it's disgusting.


End file.
